Monday, March 31, 2008
"Someone emailed me and asked how Sam died and how they had a lot of fear that something would happen to thier child, but didn't know how to stop worrying. I decided to post my response here incase anyone else had the same issues.Sam died 5 years ago, Jan. 19, 2003 when he fell through the ice on a pond at our rec. dept. He was there with friends of ours for their daughters indoor lacrosse game. Their son and Sam went outside and onto the pond. Their son fell through too, but managed to hang on til the rescue workers arrived. Sam was lost instantly. My advice to you, is to let go of your fear. It will do you absolutely no good. It will waste the time you have with your son that could be spent in trust and joy. Breath through it when the fear comes. Let it go. I had fear before Sam died which intensified for my other kids after he died, and I have spent a lot of time breathing through it. I will not let my fear affect my kids life. I will not let it limit their possibilities. I've had to watch my kids go off with other people, with the memory of Sam leaving our house that day to go play with his friend. As they walked off our porch, Sam, who was really excited about playing Animal Crossing with his buddy said to him, "this is going to be the best day of our life!" Every time I watch one of my other kids leave with someone other than me, I have that memory. It helps me to really be grateful for the time I have and to try to not waste it. My oldest has been to Europe and Florida without us. She is driving now and comes and goes quite a bit with work and school. She's heading off to college in the fall. Deep breaths and a knowing that I really cant control her destiny keeps me sane. I try not to let the fear take me deeper.If I can do it. You can do it. Joanna"
I am now really breathing through my fear and letting it go allowing for more freedom for Seth as well as myself. Since I read this post I have let up on my insistance that Seth be home and inside if he doesnt want to go run errands or to an activity with me/us. He has been out with friends twice when no one has been home and guess what - he hasn't been hurt, run over, or killed!
In the email Joanna sent me giving me permission to use her post she said something that is now a new quote I will savor: "It's hard to let our kids go out into the world without us, but we really have no choice. It's in the way we let them go that matters." ~ Joanna Wilkinson
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
[Begin original blog entry] Last Thursday morning I got a call at 3:45am that lead to me making arrangements to travel to Tulsa. Many people know my dad has been in the hospital since then and in the Cardiac ICU since Saturday morning. He is doing better now and yesterday they moved him from the CICU into a monitored bed...has a while before he gets out completely but we are out of the danger zone now. During this time I have had so much support from dear friends through prayer, them listening, watching my kids, and simply knowing they care. Unless someone has been through it, there is no way to understand how vitally important that support is. Knowing my kids are being cared for in the manor I find important (respectful), that I can pick up the phone any time to escape the seriousness of the situation or be in prayer, and fully knowing I am supported in any way people can possibly do so is simply amazing and beyond words. I am so very blessed with my friends in my community (online and off) that is always there to help anyone, any time.
In addition to this support, I found support through others who have family members in the CICU. It has been amazing to watch how each family member cares deeply about each other. 1 family has been in the hospital with their loved one for a month, 1 has been here for 3 weeks, and 2 have been here for 10 and 11 days, several others have come since we arrived. Every family is concerned about the other. Any news (good or bad), crying, expressions of exhaustion, etc is met with the response one would expect to see from a family member or friend but these people share it with each other. Every time I returned from checking on my dad, a person from a totally different family was awaiting news on how he is doing. Every time another person visits their family, at least one other unrelated person is expecting an update. These are expectations of updates of people who before their arrival here, had no contact with each other. The only noticeable bond being that we are all in the CICU waiting room.
I have been reflecting on this support quite a bit the last couple of days. There hasn’t been any other time in my life that I have had so much genuine support from so many people. I am overflowing with gratitude towards each person. In a class I am in we have been discussing current events and how to see the God in each circumstance because God is everywhere, there is no-where God is not - even if physical perception seems otherwise. In this situation, my personal current event, God is more than evident in most of the happenings but it might not be so blatant if Daddy had not been moved to the CICU. If Daddy had just stayed in his single occupancy room it would be so much easier to see the faults of the staff, the people in the next rooms, the halls, parking lot, etc. I would not have witnessed the amazement that has come with experiencing the CICU waiting room dynamic. God is truly within each of these wonderful people whom I barely know some of their names, let alone enough about them for them to care about me, my family and my dad. We are all connected and though I am fairly sure none of them see it the way I do, deeper than just the ICU connection, they still care intensely about each other and that person’s family member lying in the ICU bed.
Seeing the God within this situation, this renewing of my faith in humanity, is also renewing my dedication to my studies and my spiritual practice. There are so many things we can chose to focus on, so much negativity, then all the sudden God presents us with what could be seen as a horribly negative experience that really ends up providing us with a renewed sense of Knowing. Knowing we are all One. Knowing there is Truly no separation – no us vs. them. Knowing that spiritual practice and treatments/prayer keep us aware of that connection. Knowing, simply Knowing. Thank you God for this experience, this lesson – Thank You! [End original blog entry]
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Life is amazingly good!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
"God Never asks a question. It is not necessary for God to ask questions because God already knows all the answers. The word for this is "omniscience." It means that God is the source of all knowledge, wisdom, and intelligence. Since I am one with God, then I have access to all knowledge, wisdom and intelligence. I know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I have all the answers. There is Something within me that knows. I trust it totally. It is never wrong; it is always right.
I am filled with confidence because I know, and I know that I know. I never have to worry about the outcome because I am always divinely guided into perfect right decision and perfect right action. I never worry about the "means" because the "end" is already secure. My purpose in life is to express God. God's purpose in life is to live fully, joyously, creatively and lovingly. I fulfill God's purpose when I live that way, for I am a vehicle of God's life. I am the means by which God lives. Accordingly, I am endowed with everything necessary to live God's life: all knowledge, all wisdom, all intelligence.
Knowing this, I now approach each day with excitement and great expectations. Every day is a new opportunity for me to express God, and I have within me an inexhaustible reservoir of resources to do a magnificent job of living God's life.
I draw upon my inner reservoir of knowledge, wisdom, and intelligence to answer every question and to meet every challenge that presents itself to me today. I have an inexhaustible supply of answers, and they are all right answers. I approach this day in total confidence."
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
So i have a protein section, a carbs section, a fruit section, a candy section and a chocolate chips section which I will interchange with veggies one the candy looses some attention. The first thing Aden grabbed was candy, then saw the goldfish crackers and had some of them and someone - Seth or Aden ate some cheese.
Here is a pic at about 11:30:
Funny how the chocolate chip section is all stirred in together, the fruit is almost untouched and the candy and cheese are almost gone... I will stop hyperfocusing on the candy in a few days, i promise.
I am really trying not to complain too much about it but this had been going on for probably about a week or 2. Waking before dawn, usually to pee, then not being able to return to sleep until maybe 15 to 30 minutes before either i have to get up or Aden is awake. Either way i have been loosing about 2 or 3 hours of sleep each night. I usually get in bed by 11 and most 'normal' people would be okay with 6 hours of sleep. Factor in that i don't get to sleep until probably 11:30 or 12 and that my normal "feelin good" sleep requirement is at least 8 but function better with 9 or 10 hours of sleep...i am really loosing about 4 hours on average each night.
Then add to that this whole daylight savings time thing and geez things are wacky! I was looking forward to it, actually because that means the sun stays down longer and Aden stays asleep a bit longer...meaning i would get to sleep more than that 15-30 min after being awake for a few hours pre-dawn. What i didn't consider is the fact my internal clock that was getting me up around 5:45 would still be set for 5:45 standard time, instead of daylight savings time!
So this morning i woke to thoughts of things i need to get done today that i didn't get on my to do list before going to bed. I laid there telling myself to remember and go back to sleep. Well then guess who realized i was awake and i am guessing thought it was time to play...this lil bundle i am gestating! I have been anxious to feel it moving around in there more definitively and consistently so when i do feel those flutters, i get all into waiting for the next one. This hasn't been an issue at all until this morning and i am really not complaining about that - if i am going to be awake, i would rather play with a baby (event if in womb) than toss and turn the rest of the night.
Here i sit blogging about not being able to sleep and Chet just emerged from the bedroom to prepare for work. At least *I* can get some semblance of a nap during the day...even if i do have too much to get accomplished...lol I will have to remind myself that there is plenty of time and there are things on my list that *can* and probably will wait for Tuesday or Wednesday.
I think I might try to get to bed now (6am), maybe listening to my birth prep meditations will get me to sleep...until my alarm rings at 8, that is...
Sunday, March 9, 2008
[today] We were running errands and Seth was complaining about the condition of his 'World Industry' shoes (all beat up). I really had no idea how messed up his shoes are so Chet and I talked tonight. We do not have the $75-$100 to spend on 'pro' skate shoes that will be all torn up within 6 months so we agreed that we would pay $25 toward a pair of shoes (once every 6 months) and that if he wants a special label he can find a LEGAL way to come up with the difference. With this pair of shoes being so bad, we told him we need to replace them by next Sunday (in a week). So he got all excited and went to search for $25 "Fallins" and found an ebay auction for $19 that he *thought* shipping was $4 but when i looked it was $12. So he kept looking...then came out to let me know he wasn't wearing generic skate shoes. I told him that we will just have to get generic other kind of shoes then. He then said he checked the balance on his Zumiez gift card and he has $.25 and mumbled something about "I shouldn't have spent that Gift Card" and i didn't quite understand which card he meant so i asked and he said "The Simon Mall Visa."
I am writing this because i think it is ironic and interesting that he is just now realizing what i meant that day several months ago. I also think it is kinda funny that he still thinks i don't know anything...lol
Of course right now he is an emotional wreck because he cant immediately find the shoes he wants for $25 and is thinking his life is ruined because he is destined to wear 'crappy generic skater shoes' and get laughed at. I am kinda resisting going to his rescue and searching for his ultimate shoes because i *know* if given time, he will figure out a way to get exactly what he wants before Sunday. But i want to be the hero mom and make it all better right now...
Friday, March 7, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I tried to get a good pic of the screen too but it is just up too high. And don't pay attention to the messy/crowded desk! Aden is the focus here...
It was very impressive to me how easily he took to it. He did very well, though doesn't quite understand the picking the mouse up to move it when it is about to fall of the edge of the desk (that wouldn't be a problem is there were more room on this desk). We sat here for a little over an hour playing starfall "ABC's" with him getting more and more comfortable with the mouse. I do wish there were a way to turn off all other controls on the screen for him to be able to play w/o me worrying about him clicking something that would temporarily mess things up and cause a break in the playtime. I look forward to him having his own space and own computer to play on once we are in our own home...look out cyber-worlds and game makers!
I got the idea that they were trying to make a fort and instead of just making suggestions, i started 'helping.' (Note to self: stand back and let them create together.) Anyway, so i had Seth get off the couch so i could pull it out and drape the blanket over the cushion and the back of the couch to leave a tunnel-like fort for them. Seth said nothing, just went outside to jump on the trampoline. Aden crawled in all excited so i took some pictures...some posed, some not...all of them fun.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
"Mother's milk literally feeds the intellect of humanity"
"I am of a "free-lance educator" variety. My children and I work together to create avenues for learning that are mutually satisfying."
"Making love successfully does not require an orgy background, and socialization development is not defined by crowded classrooms and concrete courtyards."
Hope you enjoy them :}
I guess i really needed the water to be cooler than normal because when i got in I woke right up...it was pretty cold by my standards. Finally, after some adjusting, it warmed to a more normal temp and i enjoyed a real shower w/o fear of someone walking in and bringing a cold draft with them. Then proceeded to get ready and make breakfast then out the door before 7:45a. I was set for some bad traffic but there wasn't really any stop-and-go action like i thought.
I arrived at the American Red Cross building before 8, my class was scheduled for 8:30 so i sat in the car and read a book, how very nice! Once i went in i was the 2nd person there and settled in for a long day - class scheduled to end at 4:30. The instructor was a neat older gentleman with tons of experience in various fields which helped make the class interesting. Plus there was more interaction than in previous certifications i had taken so that helped keep everyone awake and alert. We did CPR training first and finished it right about 12:30, including taking the test and getting our cards saying we are officially trained.
Took 30 min. for lunch, which i ate in the van and read more of my book. First Aid was next on the list and again had more interaction and interesting tidbits from the instructor. We ended around 2:45, instead of 4:30. It was nice to expect to be there longer and get out early!
2 of the best parts of these classes is the reference sheets and booklet we got to keep AND the certification cards being handed out right then...no waiting for them to come in the mail! Quite a lot of information and resources for the $45 fee, and the experience of the instructor really made it an overall good experience for me. I highly recommend taking these trainings and if you can happen upon 'Mac' McMillin as the instructor, you will know what i mean when i say "he was funny in an old man kind of way"
I missed taking the kids to what looks to have been a great craft day with FYI but i am glad i went to my thing and that Chet was able to spend the day with the boys, experiencing a bit of our daily life with our great group of fellow unschoolers. I am ready for bed and ready to be able to not wake to the alarm again for a long time!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
One thing i am getting better at is not seeing it as an all or nothing thing. In the past i would mess up a diet and then say well forget it! This one i am starting each day new and getting to that place of being able to re-commit each day, instead of just quitting because i did it 'wrong' that day. I am sure part of that is this growing lil person inside of me - cant just give up on him/her.
So off i go to get my list going and grateful that we actually still have $ left to buy the things we need! Yay us and our budget!