Monday, November 23, 2009
I acknowledged him and evidently went back to sleep because I had this horrific dream:
I woke up on a bench seat, much like that of an older train but it was outside and i am not sure if i was on a train or just at the station. I groggily looked up and saw a blue denim backpack with flowers on the front sitting in a seat on the train located in front of me and thought, "Hey that looks like ours" then i saw Emma's little blue backpack we use as a diaper bag, then in the seat across, a couple of our duffle bags, and Aden's camo bag for his diabetes supplies. I looked around for Chet and the kids but didn't see them. I freaked out internally..."do i stay here and wait for them?"..."do i get on the train and stay with our things?"..."do i get on the train and go looking for them?"..."where could they be?"..."Why didn't Chet or Seth stay with the stuff?"..."Did something happen to them?"
I decided that if they were still on the train and i took the stuff and waited for them on the platform, Aden and Emma wouldn't have their insulin or bottles (respectively). And that someone needed to stay with the stuff so it didn't get taken or thrown off the train so, I got on and sat in a seat with the stuff; the whole time, looking for my family.
Then, a couple got on and sat ON our stuff, literally ON it! Underneath them were 2 duffle bags and Aden's camo bag. I asked them to give me my stuff back and they said, "this is our stuff." We argued back and forth for a while until i said, "I don't care if you have the duffle bags but the camo bag is my son's insulin and he needs it. Please give it back." They did and i sat down still wondering where everyone was.
The train started moving and i started freaking out even more..."Surely they will come to their seats now"..."or maybe they were in the bathroom - you would think they would be out by now."..."or something has gone horribly wrong." I started crying because i didn't know where they were and Aden didn't have his insulin. I rode all the way to somewhere (the next stop) bawling and no one caring why. I got off with all our stuff (minus the duffle bags) and started wandering aimlessly - still sobbing.
Then i woke, in my bed, between Chet and Emma...asked Chet to hold me and just started crying. He held me for a long time while i cried and told him this dream, reassuring me that I wont loose them and they aren't going anywhere. I *know* that but i am left trying to interpret this dream...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
First, I actually created a website name…with a bit of help from my brother-in-law. Check it out: http://www.BookItDiabetes.com . While you are there, you can enter to win a monthly drawing for $50 in free books. Remember to peruse the Sale Items, Web-Only Specials, Customer Specials (available with orders over $35) and Free Books Special (orders over $85). Please choose an eShow hostess to place your order as I get more commissions through eShows than direct website sales.
Second, I have set a goal and am looking for at least 2 more people to join me in this amazing adventure by 11/21. If you (or someone you know) have a love for quality products that enrich the lives of children & their families; want to have fun while earning unlimited income w/ flexible hours, bonuses, prizes, incentives, & free vacations; enjoy meeting people & being your own boss (free awesome training) with no minimums or inventory required; & are looking for a way to build an incredible home library, you need to take advantage of this awesome opportunity! Contact me about November's $59 (+ tax & free shipping) Starter Kit today! The Business Builder kit is usually $199! I can also offer $50 worth of FREE Usborne products for those serious about starting a business when you sign up by the 21st of November.
I will say, I have never been one to be comfortable standing up in front of people – friends or strangers – so I was surprised to find that I was pretty darn calm during my first Home Show in a room of mere acquaintances/strangers. All this to say, if *I* can do this, anyone can do this! It’s fun getting to know the hostesses and guests, being able to touch children’s lives through books, and getting paid to do it! It takes relatively little time or effort.
If you have any questions, are interested in hosting a party to earn free books, or earning some extra income; please call or email me. My home number is 405-815-4067 and my Usborne email address is BookItDiabetes@myubah.com. You can also reach me through my facebook fan page (BookItDiabetes) and I'd love for you to follow me on twitter!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
So why were we going? Well, to rule out him having diabetes. He had been peeing a LOT - seemed like every time he would drink, he would need to pee and urgently! He had been getting up at least twice a night (occasional accidents) to pee and get drinks. One of the first nights, Chet said "I wonder if he has diabetes." I said, "Or a UTI" and dismissed his thought because, well that's what i do... His family has history of type 2 so when he sees something that could possibly be a sign or a risk, he mentions it...and i dismiss him (nice, huh?).
So i asked the normal UTI questions...nope not that. So i thought, maybe just something he is going through. But it continued and i noticed he was drinking more. So i looked up the symptoms and found the typical peeing and drinking, and learned about weight loss (or not gaining) as well as headaches, leg pain, stomach aches which he had been sporadically complaining of. I had to talk myself into calling the Dr. and was glad i got the voicemail because i wasn't really ready to talk to anyone just yet.
Maggie (med student shadowing Dr. Hanes this month) called me and we talked for a while, her asking various things and me answering - always with a "I know its probably nothing but i want to rule it out." We scheduled an appt for today. We arrived early, were ushered quickly through the sickly waiting room and down the "well" hall. Of course weight and height and temp then to our room to wait. Soon Maggie appeared and went over a few things. Asked Aden to pee in a cup...Sir Pees Alot didn't need to go!!!!!!!!!! For an hour i coaxed him to drink water and finally he needed to go. Somewhere in that hour Dr. Hanes came in and talked with me. Left us for a bit to let Aden drink more and hopefully pee.
Once the results were in she and Maggie came back in. "Well, Mom, your suspicions were correct. There are sugar and ketones in his urine which is a sign of diabetes. ...I am going to call Dr. Domek and see how he wants to proceed and we'll be right back." I wanted to cry. WTF just happened? My sweet baby boy might have diabetes for real? This is NOT what i expected at all! "Mom, it's nothing, go home." is what i expected. My mind was reeling and i am not sure how i was able to keep any form of 'cool'. She returned saying they wanted me to come right now but she had reminded them its lunch time and asked if we could get lunch first. So i managed to text Chet to meet me at home to watch Emma so i could go alone with Aden. We stopped for lunch and came home.
On the way home i talked with Aden a bit about it and told him they might 'take labs' and told him what it meant. He started crying, "I don't want them to take my blood. It will hurt." It was all i could do to not break down and sob. All i could think about is, if it really is diabetes, you will have to get used to finger pricks (at least) and my little boy having food restrictions. He didn't want to go and to make things worse, Dinosaur Train came on right before we were about to leave. I *had* to let him watch the first 15 min! We took a video with us (in hopes of distracting him) and various times he said, "I don't want to go. I don't want them to take my blood. It will hurt." We finally arrived and it took me a bit to find parking (at Baptist Hosp. OKC).
We walked in, i filled out paperwork and we were escorted back by the dr's wife and immediately started getting bombarded with finger pokes (him - blood sugar of 474 - then Aden did me - blood sugar of 85 ...kinda a game) and information. We had entered *their* flow. I got a 45 min lesson from the Dr. on what diabetes is, how he got it and why insulin is important, where insulin is made but the when will always be a mystery...speculation is insulin started decreasing about 6mo-1yr ago but we can never be sure or ever know what triggered it. But we know he has Type 1 Diabetes.
So back to the finger pokes - he was told "it doesn't hurt." Well, you know what - it does hurt, just not real bad but when you aren't used to getting poked, it fucking hurts. So here we are with a 4 year old who's finger hurts and is wondering WTH he is doing here. They ask him if he wants to watch a movie (Night at the Museum)...in another room. I wasn't really okay with it at first but the longer my biology lesson (described out of sequence above) went, the more grateful for the movie i got. So that lesson over, his wife comes in. I had to pee (ironic, huh?) and since Aden didn't need to go, i went alone. I almost let myself sob but i pulled it together...this is not the place to loose it...i have to be strong for Aden...pep talk, pep talk, pep talk. Back to the room, composed.
I start getting a lesson on insulin injecting. Aden kept coming to check on me...so cute! And finally i was schooled enough to talk to him and walk him through a shot. The boy has NEVER had a shot in his life, has heard from others that they hurt and has this whole thing built up in his head (who wouldn't, right?). I try to explain things in ways he would understand but who am i fooling - i don't even get it. I am really barely functioning at this point let alone explaining something so crazy to a 4 year old. He hears the word shot and freaks. Screaming, crying until he gags, make you want to curl up and cry with him type of cry. but i cant. Dr.s wife made a point to tell me "They pick up on us being nervous and scared. be strong for him." and i have got to follow the authority, right? So, i kept it together as much as i could. He kept asking why we have to do this. at one point i asked, “Do you want to life a long life and have fun?" (he nodded) I said, "Mommy wants you to live a long life and have fun too. If we don’t do these shots, you will die.” When I said that (and even now) I just wanted to fall on the floor, roll up in a ball and cry. We finally had to do it so she gave him his shot and i held him. He didn't even feel it!!!!!! All that and he didn't feel it.
We left, stopped to rent some movies, got home and when dinner was ready, had to finger poke again - almost 30 min later we did the poke and got to eat. Then after dinner - another 15-30 min of trying to get him to let me do insulin. After dinner, i had to go out to the van to cry and yell. And man did i cry... Through all that crying i kept remembering to rephrase things to say what i want. I also kept getting these 'messages' of "things will be fine." and "he is a healthy boy, just needs help with insulin and things will be great for him" and "cherish him and Seth and Emma" and "why do you have to "be strong" for Aden?" and "why cant he see you cry and be mad about this?" So right then i gave myself permission to cry with him, to be mad with him, to just be with him. I came in feeling better.
Then "bedtime" 30 min of trying to do finger stick, another 30 of trying to do insulin - this time we had to hold him down because we were an hour later than we 'should' have been. He was MAAAAAAD. He started hitting his fists together saying, "I didn't want to do that. I don't want to do this. I hate this." I scooped him up into my lap and said, "you can be mad, you can be sad, you can cry and feel however you need to feel." I said, "I am mad at this too, i hate this too, and i just want it all to go away. but it wont and we are just going to have to deal with it...as much as it sucks." I started to cry with him. I said, "i really am so sad this is happening and i really wish i could make it all better where you don't have to do any more finger pricks or shots. We will all get used to this pretty soon but until then, its okay for any of us to get upset over it."
While i was re-reading this before sending, i realized. Aden has been getting some "special treatment" today but why do we wait until something crazy like this happens before we give that special treatment? I mean there are things like financial constraints (that i blew out the window today somewhat) but seriously - why do we give into their every whim when they are sick or are hurt pretty bad or have lost a puppy or ____ but every other day is 'nothing special'? Shouldn't we make every day special? Not just for our kids, but for us too.
See sometimes i have these thoughts and plan to do something about it but then i fall into old habits of 'nothing special' but now i have at leat 4 times a day "for the forseeable future" to remind me that everyday is special.
A blessing within a curse...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Emma has been eating solids for a while now but still, no real change in smell because MOST of her diet is still milk. A few weeks ago we started slowly weaning her (out of necessity) to raw goats milk. This week we are at a ratio of 3oz breast milk/5oz goats milk. I noticed a slight change in smell yesterday and today was more defined.
I bet you are wondering why i am blogging about poop after not saying a damn thing for about 2 months. Well, because it's kind of a milestone. Emma is now consuming more 'other' foods and less breast milk. This makes me sad for a variety of reasons in no real order. 1) diapers stink 2) no more breast milk 3) she's growing up...my last baby is growing up.
A bit OT but if you read here, are longing for updates and are not a face book friend you might want to 'friend me'. I post status updates more than most people would like as well as pics and videos of the kids.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I am in process of writing an unpublished blog. One just for me to process thoughts and ideas that float in and out throughout the day. Ramblings others prolly dont want to see anyway...lol
Emma's 1st bday is coming up and i am not quite ready for her to turn 1. Anyway, hope the summer is going well for whomever reads this. Enjoy!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Today was my first ever physical protest. Why I chose this time to be physically present, I am not entirely sure. I guess I felt the need to show those supporting the proclamation (see below) that there are many of us that do NOT support the fear-based hatred written therein.
Before we left, I explained to Aden, in 4 year old terms, why we were going. He said "Mommy, I am scared. She sounds like a very bad person." I told him that he didn’t need to be scared and that everything was going to be okay.
Luckily (for me and my issues with crowds), several of my friends met there. I got a bit nervous at the metal detector because Aden went through without a beep but I set the thing off (twice). Of course it was the rings of my sling in which Emma was securely stationed and the guard was supportive of that. The airport people are far less so and will make you take a sleeping baby out of the sling to make SURE it’s the rings. Anyway, I was ever so glad that my friends were there so Aden had someone to be with while I was scanned with a hand scanner.
Once in the rotunda I observed many people looking similar in suits near the 'front' where there was evidently a table and Ms. Kern and camera people surrounding. There were others milling around in 'back' and looked like a pretty diverse group of people so I figured they were protesters. One woman handed some flag ribbons to several people and I asked what they were for. They were for those there with the ACLU/protesting. We got some and mine was promptly displayed on my sling (where Emma couldn’t reach). As far as I know, no one counted protesters vs. supporters but from what I could tell it looked like there were equal or more protesters than supporters.
Ms. Kern started speaking. The first words I can remember her saying remarked on the fact that this was a proclamation, not a bill or any legislature. I wanted to say "DUH! We are not idiots!" but I figured I should keep most of my comments within my group of friends. So then she mentioned the 4 or 5 'leaders' that were there in support of her hatred and said that when it came time to sign it, they would and then the other people who were there in support could also.
Then she started reading it...I wish I had kept the paper I was given about discrepancies/lies but I handed it to a friend and forgot to get it back (thanks for holding it Hyphen, sorry to stick u with it). If you hadn’t noticed this is a LOT of reading, especially for those who already know what it says and don’t want to hear it. Some people held up signs (which evidently you have to have a permit to do). One sign said "We Stand in Silent Witness" and another was Kern's picture with a circle and line through it. One man had a couple of posters of 2 men on their wedding day with date and location of wedding (San Diego, I think...beautiful couple btw), there were others but I couldn’t read them from where I was. Each person was escorted out of the circle and either signs were taken or asked to be put away.
After Ms. Kern finished reading I started "Booing" I couldn’t help myself. It was just something that welled up inside of me and just came out. Others booed as well... The supporters started singing "God Bless America" and the protesters joined in because ummm, it's EVERYONE's America and it’s a pretty darn good song. There was some protest chanting of things like "Church and State Must Separate" and "Hypocrites" and other things I can’t remember. There was support singing of church hymns...great voices!
At one point, I couldn’t handle the hate energy that was prevailing. I had to exit the middle of the circle as it was becoming overwhelming and Aden was covering his ears due to the noise level. So I stood just outside the circle. Stood there with Emma in the sling, Aden holding on to the sling's tail - my eyes closed and arms outstretched; focused on surrounding everyone, supporters and protesters alike, in Love and Acceptance. I *had* to, it was the only thing I could do. I would like to think it made a difference…towards the end both sides were singing their own version of “We Shall Overcome” and the version I could hear was “Peace shall overcome” so at least the energy started to change toward more positive on the protester side.
I overheard that there was to be a press conference on the 4th floor for the ACLU but it was too hot (inside) and the kids too tired and cranky to stay so we left. I also was approached by a couple of women. One told me she was raised Methodist and was NEVER taught this hatred and doesn’t understand it. I kinda got on a soap-box and told her it is fear-based and sad. We are all One and we were all made by the same God and are loved just the way we are unconditionally. She asked me what I was doing with my eyes closed and arms out and I told her. She said that my picture was taken and asked if I had talked to anyone. I told her no and that it’s not about that, it’s not about publicity or even about me. It’s about recognizing that we are all One and that we are not as different as these people would like to think in the midst of their fear. About that time, a new friend who had mentioned she might be there approached me and we started talking. Then another woman approached and mentioned something positive about having the kids there and that hers are grown but luckily the lessons of diversity acceptance and tolerance stuck with them.
All in all everyone was very civil from both sides and for that I am grateful. The underlying intent or message of hatred and negativity that started to develop on both sides was not very comfortable for me or Aden. He told me afterwards that he didn’t like me closing my eyes because he felt like he was going to get taken (I could feel him against me the whole time so I wasn’t worried). I am sorry that he felt that way and in retrospect probably shouldn’t have taken the kids BUT they were there for a reason, their presence was required for some higher purpose than we know right now.
I hope whoever took my picture got a good one and left out my chins. I also hope that if they use it, they do so in a manner that reflects a positive light. I am not sure if I will protest again or not…will have to see if I am so moved. I really had to decompress after this experience and still feel a bit jittery. I think some meditation time is in order this evening after Chet gets home/kids in bed.Here is the proclamation in case you haven't read it yet: http://www.acluok.org/NewsEvents/Rep.Kern.htm
Thursday, June 18, 2009
2. Select the fourth picture in the folder
3. Post the picture to your blog & explain the picture
4. Tag 4 people to do the same
This was kinda funny cuz, i havent a clue about this pic. It was taken on 12/25/2006 which was before i met Chet. The only thing i can figure is this was significant to him that day... I happen to love the windchimes and hummingbird feeder hanging on the porch. Wouldnt you like to be sitting our there in a big comfy outdoor chair with an occational cool breeze, reading a book or just being?
I was tagged by Phoebe and she tagged everyone so i am gonna ditto that!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Please note the sale for Friday, May 22 has been canceled, however we will still hold the sale on Saturday, May 23. Please come out and help us raise the money we need.
"To Be Announced..." Teen Comedy Improv group needs YOU.
As many of you already are aware, TBA is going on tour to five libraries in July. In order to help this group that is teen-run and made up entirely of teens, we are holding two physical and one on-going email bake sale. We need to raise at least $600 to cover gas for three vehicles, food while on the road and other expenses (supplies, etc.). We desperately need your help. If you're willing and able to donate baked goods for the sales, please contact Jake either by email or at 286-5583 (home) or 812-7486 (cell). Also, we need your support and ask you to come out and purchase some yummy baked goods at the sales or from our email campaign.
Our physical bake sales will be outside the Edmond Mardel entrances:
Friday, May 22 from 3pm to 7:30pm CANCELED due to another performance
Saturday, May 23 from 11am to 5pm
Friday, June 12 time tba
Saturday, June 13 from 11am to 5pm
I will list the available baked goods for the email sale ASAP. As of right now, I know we'll have the following (there will be more soon). NOT all the items listed below are available at the Mardel sales as they need refrigeration, etc.
Cookies (chocolate chip; oatmeal and oatmeal-raisin; peanut butter, etc....)
Muffins (blueberry, etc.)
Cakes, Pies, and Breads:
Death by Chocolate Cake
Flourless Chocolate Cake
Coconut Raspberry Cake
Crustless Cranberry Pie
Chocolate Chip Cookie Cheesecake
Oreo Surprise Cupcakes 1 dozen
Moist Cinnamon Nutmeg Bread 9x5
White Chocolate Citrus Cranberry Bread 9x5
Savory Cheese Herbed Bread 9x5
Cookies and Brownies Turtle Brownies 1 dozen
Rocky Road Brownies 1 dozen
Triple Chocolate Chunk Urban Legend Cookies 1 dozen
Double Delight Peanut Butter Filled Cookies 1 dozen
Chocolate Peppermint Pinwheel Cookies 1 dozen
Cherry Filled Bonbon Cookies 1 dozen
Candy and Fudge:
Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl Fudge – 1 lb.
Cranberry Walnut White Fudge – 1 lb.
Pistachio Cranberry Bark – ½ lb.
Chocolate Truffles – 1 dozen
White Chocolate Truffles – 1 dozen
Chocolate/White Chocolate Truffles – mixed dozen
Chocolate Covered Cherries – 1 dozen
More TBA (ironic, huh?)
Cash donations are also gratefully accepted.
Oh, here's the show schedule, we hope you come see us!
Monday, July 13 - Noble Public Library, 5 pm
Tuesday, July 14 - Purcell Public Library ,5 pm
Monday, July 20 - Moore Public Library, 6 pm
Friday, July 24 - Norman Public Library, 7 pm
Tuesday, July 28 - Newcast le Public Library, 7 pm
Each show is FREE and should run about an hour to an hour and one-half.
Thanks for your support!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
~~~It’s a generosity meme in which you make stuff for five people. Check it out...
The first five (cinq) (cinco) (5) people to respond to this post in the comments will get something made by me. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations so please read carefully…
I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. (No refunds… no exchanges!!!!) What I create will be just for you, with love from me. It’ll be done this calendar year (2009) and when you get it, you have to let me know it arrived.
I will not give you any clue what it’s going to be. It will be something made in the real world and not something cyber. It may be weird or beautiful. I may even create something totally unbelievable and surprise you!! It will be handmade and may be any medium I choose. Who knows? Not you, that’s for sure!
I reserve the right to do something painterly or whatever - it may be just weird!~~~
Patti says: "This isn't just for artists--it's for human beings. We're all artists, all able to create something precious for another human being. Yes, yes we are. One of the most gorgeous things I've ever received was a small box of precious stones from a child I met once--she made it for me, assembling it, cherishing it, giving it. You can do the same. Whether your name is drawn or not, I hope you'll play, participate, make, and give. Post this on your blog, tweet it, put a sign up in your office, find a way to be involved in it. Let's hold up five people this year, creating beauty for them. Yes, let's."
The reason this took me time to commit to is that i am by no means an artist. So, this is a stretch in comfort zone for me. I am actually going to create something artistic for 5 people who leave comments. I don't even think 5 people read my blog but hey if so - great, that means i get to make 5 people something. I am going to do what Patti did on the off chance i have more than 5 readers, i will put all the commenter names in a container and draw 5 and will let you know if you're on my list of five!I have said 'something' twice now which i guess you know means that i haven't a clue what it will be. I will be as surprised as you will. I am going to ask that when you leave your comment, you let me know your favorite color. I am not sure the significance that will make but its something my brain said to ask for so ummm, i did :-)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Yesterday at the dentist, he was watching very closely when the hygienist was cleaning my teeth. He asked "what are those" and the hygienist said "those are mommy's fillings" he said "her feelings?" with a very concerned look on his face...teeheehee. I was laughing so hard she couldn't get in my mouth to continue.
Today when i asked what he wanted for breakfast he said "Raisin Brown" I said "Raisin Bran?" He said, "yes, Raisin Brown"
Friday, May 1, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
I discovered that even though i NEED to walk and shed these extra pounds, its not something i really look forward to so its easier to procrastinate. The reason for choosing this for my 37 day challenge was to get into routine and make it a habit. I will work on that more by recommitting each Monday. BUT the reason behind the 37 day challenge is to do something for 37 days that encourages/enables us to live life more fully. I interpret that to mean living our dreams so there are no regrets when our '37 days' are up. I have been thinking about this quite a bit the last few days.
Since having Seth, i have been slowing loosing sense of self. Have put things *I* want to do on the back burner and they have been simmering away to almost nothing. I have NOT been living the life i desire, rather making sure my kids get to do that. I see this as a huge disservice to them and i regret that. They *should* see me fulfilling my dreams, making a point to get my needs met as well as getting their needs and dream fulfilled.
Some things to choose from in my next 37 day challenge:
- Learn American Sign Language and look into cost and availability of becoming an ASL interpreter.
- Horseback riding (owning own horses some day)
- Reading for fun or for myself, not parenting books (I will start with "Life Is A Verb" committing to doing the exercises after each chapter)
- Babies (volunteering to help/hold)
- Organizing (getting my whole house organized the way i want it...shouldn't take 37 days)
- Blogging with pictures (i have a LOT to catch up on)
There might be more but for now that is a good list to choose from. Today being Saturday i am focusing on meal prep for the week. Monday will be day 29 and i will only have 8 more days so next week is my last week for that challenge. I will continue to walk Monday - Friday, of course! Check back here to know what i choose for my next 37 days.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
37days challenge March 30 – May 5, 2009
I, Christy Putnam, being of kinda sound mind and body, have willingly decided to try to do one thing consistently every single day for the next 37 days. C’mon, self, it’s just 37 days. The one thing I will try to do every day is this: I will briskly walk on my treadmill (or outside, weather permitting) for 30 minutes each day for at least 37 days.
I’m not going to pick two things or nine things because that will dilute my focus –- just one thing. One. One simple action. An action, not a goal. An action, not a value. An action, not a wish. Something I can DO.
I’m doing this challenge at this time because: Since finding out about my Chronic Kidney Disease and the fact that no amount of fit-ness can change it, I stopped walking and I really need to get fit, regardless of changing my kidney function.
I’ve chosen this particular daily action because I believe if I do it consistently for 37 days with no (NONE, ZERO, ZIP) exceptions, I will: become used to doing it daily and it will become a habit I look forward to.
I also realize that this contract is solely with myself and carries no rewards, penalties or punishments other than those associated with the reflection of the strength of my character.
New things will happen for me.
TODAY IS DAY ONE
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I can't remember the whole 2 hour appointment but he explained a TON to me solely based on previous lab results taken when i was having breastfeeding issues, the CT results, and the arteriogram. The lab results showed my creatine levels being 1.2 and they should be .5 for my age and size though they showed up as in the normal range (not highlighted by the lab) and i was told they were normal. The part that *was* highlighted by the lab was the part that tells the level of kidney function based on age. It shows a 53 which translates into my kidneys are working at 50% of what they should be (equivalent to someone who has donated a kidney). I was never told this until today. The CT results say "The left kidney is slightly atrophic and the right kidney is much more atrophic." Dr. T said that means small but Dr. B says it means shriveled. So my kidneys are shriveled which means scar tissue caused by something we may never know (assuming either born that way or long-term high blood pressure that was not caught until now). The 10% stenosis found in the arteriogram is not enough to cause high blood pressure.
He ordered lab to check my sodium, potassium, calcium, phosphorus, vitamin D, and iron. The only mode of treatment (pending the lab results) is maintaining a good blood pressure (110/70 at the highest) which means staying on the BP meds and eating a low sodium diet which i am already doing via the South Beach Diet. We can't reverse this no matter how much weight i lose or how fit i get though i am still focused on both of those. If we maintain things as they are, it wont get worse and i can live a full life so that is the goal.
Though i am angry that i still have to take meds and i am not healthy like i thought and i wouldnt have had to go through the headache, ER visit, or arteriogram if Dr. T. had paid attention to the highlighted part of the labs back in August, i feel so very blessed. Blessed that i was able to have my babies at home with no complications. Blessed that things were caught before it got to a point of having to do dialysis or transplant. Blessed that my husband is such an amazingly strong man that helps me take one day at a time. Blessed that i have wonderful friends and family that have supported me through this time of discovery. Blessed that i have a great nephrologist. Blessed that i have every opportunity to live a long, normal life with the aid of bp meds. Blessed that i will be as healthy as possible once i lose this weight and get fit. Blessed that my kids are/will know the joys of having a healthy mama that feeds them healthy foods and lives a healthy life. Blessed.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I got very excited and really praised him for doing an "A" because he has never done it before. I immediately said "Let's take a picture of it." I totally ignored the fact he was disappointed because he didn't do a "M." I practically ran to get the camera and showed Chet his A - proud Mama that i was. All the while Aden was following me saying "I only know how to do an A" repetitively. Still semi-ignoring his wanting to do an M, i asked him to hold the magna doodle up and smile (then we could work on doing a M). He held it up and smiled but by the time the picture took he had changed to his original feeling:
Then i asked him to really smile and he did but then it was a game in which he started running away:
I followed through on my promise of working on M. I wrote a straight M on the magna doodle and he did a curvy one. Then i did a curvy one and wrote mommy. Of course he wanted to take a pic of his successful M:
Emma has started clapping (without sound) today. She claps pretty much 'on cue' when we sing "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands" even waiting a bit longer during the phrase "your face will surely show it." And this wasn't a one time deal - she has performed several times today.
A funny thing is this is not one of the songs we sing most often so the fact she is doing it mostly on cue, is pretty neat to me.
Friday, February 13, 2009
I have an appointment with a Nephrologist on Tuesday 2/17 to hopefully get answers about my kidney's. If you remember, the CT report said my kidney's are small. I want the word small quantified and the 'what does that mean' and 'what ifs' that go along with that answered. My hope is they will have an ultrasound machine in their office so he can look at my kidney's himself and tell me everything i want to know in this one visit.
Okay, that is all i was going to say. I will update when i know more...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday 2/2 was my heart scan and i have to tell you i was pretty nervous. I read all i could about it and it said there was nothing to drink or dyes to inject but after my CT of doing both i was not really looking forward to it. I got there and after registration was sent to another office down the hall. The very nice woman behind the desk took me to the heart scan room and told me to put my things on the table. I started to take my keys out of my pocket and she told me i didn't have to - pretty impressive to me for some reason. Then i got on the table thingy and she explained that i would hold my breath twice, one of them for 30 seconds. She left the room to administer the scan which took less than 5 minutes. Then she asked me to wait in a chair outside another room - i sat there about a minute or 2 before she called me in to see my results. I already knew that calcium shows up as white in the pictures so as she was talking and telling me what all the parts of the heart were and what the pictures showed, i was looking for white. She finished explaining and said "calcium shows up as white and as you can see you don't have any calcium in your heart or coronary artery." So in less than 10 minutes i found out that officially my calcium score is zero! I asked how often i should get the scan done and she said "with a score of zero, we recommend every 3 years." I wholeheartedly (no pun intended) recommend everyone with any possible risk factors go get this scan, especially if they are running the promotion of $50 (its normally $100 and ins. wont cover it).
Tuesday 2/3 was my appt with Dr. T to talk about my lab results. They were mostly great. A total cholesterol score of 217 (supposed to be 200 or lower) BUT the reason it was high is that my good cholesterol is higher than it should be and my bad cholesterol was lower than it is supposed to be. We didn't really go over the other results because they were all 'normal'. There was one though that was a bit off. It was the ANA Screen. ANA stands for Antinuclear Antibodies. The result was "positive" which Dr. T said could mean nothing or any number of autoimmune diseases - none of which i am showing any symptoms of at all. She ordered a set of tests to determine if i have one or if it is 'nothing'. I was hoping to have those test results by now (a week later) but called the Dr. office and they haven't received them yet or some such excuse. Of course, as soon as i got home from the initial office visit i looked up info on the ANA screen and found that "certain drugs, including birth control pills, procainamind, and thiazide diurectics, affect the accuracy of this test." The bp med i am on (Hyzaar) has a thiazide diuretic in it. So my suspicion is that the test came back positive because of my bp med and the subsequent tests will be negative. I will let ya'll know when i know...
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
After warming up and drying off, Aden wanted to go back out this afternoon. Chet is working from home today so he took a break and took Aden out front to 'sled' down the driveway:
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
So basically i told her what the next steps will be.
- She will refer me to a nephrologist to get my questions answered about my kidneys - hopefully they will do an ultrasound IN OFFICE to show me what is meant by "small" and "narrow" and what Dr. M is saying is "not abnormal."
- She will run fasting 'advanced' labs to find out cholesterol levels and size of the lipids as well as other things that will tell us what percentage risk i am for heart attack/stroke and hopefully she will know how to read the said labs to determine that as Dr. Agatston's book "South Beach Heart Program" says is possible.
- Depending on lab results i will possibly go to a cartiologist to get stress test, heart scan and corotid ultrasound. I kinda want to go to a cartiologist anyway for them to read the lab results (wish Dr. Agatston was based in OK) but i am willing to wait and see.
I am not going to be satisfied with "you just have high blood pressure" because that is NOT normal in a 37 year old caucasian woman and really is not normal in anyone even though is has become 'the norm' for the general population that eats horribly and is overweight. Good point is i have lost 7 pounds since i was in her office last - of course *some* of that could be the clothes i was wearing but i think i was dressed similarly.
I will update again when i get the lab results back and/or have been to the nephrologist. Thanks for continued prayers and energy!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Happy Birthday To You....
Licking Icing off the cake toppers
The party people
There was no alcohol available, i promise...
Thursday, January 1, 2009
We went to get the kids and came home. I felt amazingly better than I thought I would. Just pretty tired and a little sore. Today I am tired and sore but not as much. I can’t lift anything over 5lbs for 3 days or else there is a chance I will bleed and end up in the hospital and possibly a transfusion (it was a major artery they went in after all). Therefore, I am not allowed to lift Emma so Chet brings her to me to fed her and put her to sleep. Last night was hard because he had to keep getting up to warm bottles… He keeps saying we will get through this and I know we will but it sure is hard to see him doing so much around here when usually it is more fairly divided.
The next step is following up with my doctor and her doing an ultrasound of my kidney’s (not sure what she is supposed to be looking for) per the vascular surgeon. I will also see a nephrologist per my request so ask all the questions I have about my kidney’s. I don’t know where we will go from there but I am not satisfied with anyone saying “You just have high blood pressure like 95% of the population” so will do what I can to find out why…