Wednesday, November 17, 2010


As if life is not crazy enough for me/us right now...
The beginning of October, Gemini (our 9 year old chocolate lab), had surgery to remove some "fatty deposits".  She had 6 tumors removed, the biggest one ended up being cancer.  The littles don't know yet because an unknown timeline is difficult for 5 and 2 year olds to understand, let alone Aden's propensity to worry too much.  They would not give an estimate of how much more time she has but mentioned that it will be good if she lasts a year.  She healed fine from the surgery and things seemed to be going well until last Monday.

She stopped eating and barely drinking (evidently just enough to keep hydrated). I thought she was upset about me putting a gate up between living and dining room and not allowing her access to table scraps that the kids might drop and holding out for people food. Then on Friday she started throwing up. I took her to the vet on Saturday morning. She had lost 8lbs. since surgery.  Initially the vet said it is either gastro-something or a mass in her stomach preventing the digestion of food. He did a fecal and said the bacteria is there but not as active as it should be for the gastro-something. To do x-ray ($95) to look for the mass would be inconclusive because they don’t always see them on x-ray. If they *didn’t see a mass, we could do an ultrasound ($400) to determine. If there is a mass, surgery would be the treatment ($?). With the cancer already in her body (they couldn’t remove all of it) and suspected other tumors under muscle, surgery for a mass in her stomach would just be one more surgery. I couldn’t/can’t afford all that in the first place and it would just be to find out that I can’t help her anyway (which we already know). So, I elected to do treatment for the gastro-something and see if that helps. They prescribed antibiotics, anti-inflammatory and anti-nausea medicine.

She has thrown up every day since (with nothing on her stomach, it’s yellow bile) and is still not eating (today is day 5). So I took her back to the vet this morning. Based on the fact that Gemini is alert and seems to be normal but is still not eating and barely drinking, he suspects a mass even more. We are going to continue with the antibiotics to see if anything changes over the next 6 days but if she doesn’t start eating, there is not much more we can do for her. I am having to make a decision that I don’t want to make but I think we will have to put her down before Thanksgiving so she doesn’t have to suffer through starving to death.  If she is not eating by Monday, i am calling to make an appointment for Tuesday.  I really hate this.  Any energy/prayers/whatever are appreciated.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Life Changes

Hello Friends. I have some news that needs to be shared.  Many people already know in some form or another but i am finally feeling like sharing formally on my blog...though i am not sure who follows anymore.

My friend, Ren Allen and I have experienced similar happenings in our lives and she “went public” in August. Her sentiments mirror mine so I asked if I could use some of her wording (shown in quotes). My news is that Chet and I are divorcing. 
“That's what "is" in my life at the moment. In many ways, this is just the evolution of our relationship. A new phase in which we will co-parent from separate households and learn how to work together as friends that are not a couple any longer.

People get upset when they hear this news...natural reaction I suppose. But as hard as this transition is, I feel the "rightness" of moving towards having my own place. Riding the waves of sadness, of guilt (mainly for how this could affect my beautiful children who deserve nothing but the best in this life), of looking forward rather than back, of the lovely openness of facing the unknown.

I want to see us both thrive and support each other. That shouldn't change just because people can't be together. Our children will come first, our commitment to nurturing them is the top priority for both of us. I can hear the naysayers now...that in order to do that we must stay together. I disagree.”

On Oct 15th, I moved to Norman and have since been in process of preparing my rental home for a home child care center (I have named it "Abundant Wonder").  My ultimate goal in doing so is to be able to support myself and kids while still being at home with them and homeschooling.  I hope to be licensed by November 15th.  All three kids seem to be adjusting fairly well and I credit that to how sincerely respectful Chet and i have been with each other and the kids.

What I don't need right now:

• A million questions about how/why etc... Generally speaking, I am a fairly private person (unless i know you well...then i am an open book). I also have my kids around most of the time. I don’t think it’s fair to them to hear me talk about this over and over, no matter how respectful the process has been.
• "Unwarranted sympathy or pity....I'm ok. Truly and honestly. Yes, I will get sad at times and maybe even be weepy. I don't need mushy sympathy, I have been on my own before and actually LIKE it.”

What I do need right now:

• Friends for the kids and I to hang out with, talk with, and understand when we just can’t. Maybe being willing to occasionally let the kids come play while I run errands, prepare for opening my home daycare, etc.

• Patience with me while I work towards a smooth transition for all of us. This has meant and probably will mean that I get behind on things I am normally on top of. It also means I am not being as good a friend as I generally like to be (which plays into the guilty feelings as well).

“Much love to all my amazing friends and family!! I know I will need you more than ever and your support means the world to me.”

Sunday, May 23, 2010

JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes - Team Dino Might


Chester and I are writing you on behalf of Aden.

Many of you know that Aden was 4 years old when diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes on Oct. 13, 2009. He will be insulin-dependent for the rest of his life…unless a cure is found. In his 8 months since, he has already endured over 1,200 blood sugar pricks and 800 insulin injections. Now that he’s on an insulin pump the injections have been reduced but pricks have increased which keeps the total ‘pokes’ at around 2000.

In addition to his blood testing and insulin shots (now insertion changes); everything he consumes must be weighed and measured; and his blood sugar levels even need to be checked while he sleeps and plays. Aden is always a trooper and rarely complains. He is full of smiles, laughs, and five-year-old mischief, amidst his daily diabetes routine. Aden continually amazes us and is a blessing to have in our lives as a daily reminder of passion, humility, and the importance of dinosaurs.

As you can imagine, it's easy for people with type 1 diabetes to feel that their future is uncertain. But thanks to research funded by organizations such as JDRF, people with diabetes have a new sense of hope. Scientists have made enormous progress, and a cure for type 1 diabetes is more possible now than ever! Aden often says “I wish diabetes didn’t exist!” It’s a painful statement to hear looking at his frustrated little face. We hold out hope a positive answer will be available in his lifetime.

Please understand we are not trying to have a pity session. We truly believe that out of every difficulty comes something good. As parents, it’s our instinct from the moment our kids are born to protect them from any harm. We must do everything in our power to help find a cure for him. It’s our mission to avoid the heart and kidney disease, blindness, amputation, and early death that is a reality for many people with juvenile diabetes.

The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) is the #1 non-profit funder of diabetes research worldwide, using $.85 of each $1 for research. One of JDRF’s largest fundraising events is the “Walk to Cure Diabetes.” This is our first year to participate since Aden was recently diagnosed. We have formed a team named “Dino Might” and have already raised money towards this cause. This year’s walk will be held on Saturday, June 5th OSU-OKC!

If you are interested, there are a few ways you can help us make a difference for Aden:
• You can join our Family Team, known as “Dino Might,” which consists of family and friends who collect pledges and walk with us. To join our team, go to:
• Send your donation and contact others in your circle of family and friends to donate as well. Just go to our team website: .
• Forward this letter to anyone you feel might be able to help in one of these 3 ways!

Thank you for helping team Dino Might reach our goal of raising at least $500 this year and we would be honored to see you at the Walk on June 5th!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The End

The experiment with electronics is over - for the most part. It brought the expected results and more. We are all getting to bed at more regular hours, allowing us to get better sleep. The littles are still waking to get in bed with us though. Emma usually wakes about 1 and Aden about 5 though sometimes they switch. We are planning to start taking turns getting them back to sleep in their own beds in hopes of them eventually just staying there all night.

We actually have a semblance of a routine now. Never had anything looking like one before and none of it was forced. We generally shoot for reading time to be no later than 9pm...not demanding, just guiding. If we can be reading by 9, they are both asleep around 9:30 (though sometimes it extends to 10)...I would like to start aiming for 8:30 read time for this reason. Then waking between 7 and 8 seems to be the norm. From there we have breakfast earlier than before and Emma has been playing through what was her morning nap. Lunch is way earlier than before (around 11am) then a guided rest/quiet time. We actually have a regular snack time now...before we would eat lunch so late Aden would snack a bit before dinner but nothing regular. Dinner is earlier too.

I anticipate more trips to the library. With this new routine we have been reading a lot more. I mean we read quite a bit before but the kids are asking to read even more. Aden is showing an interest in how things are spelled and "what's that word" so we might be doing some reading and/or writing stuff soon (when he is ready). He is also showing more interest in doing craftyish/artsy things so i am working to organize and accumulate supplies. Emma loves to color and do what Aden is doing so i have been putting her in her seat (helps keep her entertained and out of Aden's way).

So we reintroduced TV last week - 30-min each child. Aden was so focused on "its my tv time" that i nearly went mad. I am not against TV at all but would like to keep our electronic usage down more than it was before. So, we are keeping TV/electronics off until after breakfast. Turning them off for meal times and rest time, then again after dinner. So essentially the TV is on between breakfast and lunch then after rest time to dinner. I don't know how many hours that is nor do i care. I think it will work well for our family. I will be doing the same with the computer/my phone usage for the most part.

Lights are still going to be kept at a minimum to help keep our routine. Lights only on when NEEDED to do certain task in certain room then after dinner, only the kitchen sink light will be on. I have even noticed a difference in just having the 'reading light' on in Aden's room before bed - harder to get them to sleep...need to lower the wattage i guess.

We are focusing more on keeping the routine instead of focusing on obligations outside the house. There are times we will need to be out and about but i am going to keep that to a minimum for a while. Weekends will be some of the exception. We plan to go drumming on Friday nights, do a family movie or family game on Sat. night and Sunday we plan to have some kind of fun family outing (of course flexibility is key).

So, i think the experiment was a success. We seem to all be the better for it all and are glad its over cuz we don't do real well with "rules" around

Sunday, February 21, 2010


The past few days have been a mostly pleasant blur of getting things done and doing family things.

We have spent several days with a new "rest time" after lunch. Not a specific time because lunch is always flexible whenever the kids get hungry. So far Aden has slept every day and Emma has slept all but one. It has been a huge adjustment for us because mornings used to be our time of lazing around and/or getting tasks accomplished at home and afternoons were for outings. With the after lunch rest time, we tend to not be ready to leave the house until about 2:30ish or so. And I still think mornings would be hard to get out of the house. I think that we will spend more time at home for a while...with a few exceptions, of course.

Our experiment is morphing starting today. We decided prepping dinner and juggling the littles was too difficult a task to sustain for longer than the week we did. So we now "allow" the kitchen light on whilst making dinner. After 7pm, the only light on is the one above the help cut down on candle usage and have a low-lit room (no dimmers in the living room so this is our option). Due to Aden's fear of the dark, we also are turning on the bathroom light when that room is in use.

I have asked that the kids each pick 1 - 3o min show they want to watch. Not during meals or after dinner. I know Emma wants Sesame Street so we will watch 1/2 of it alternating 1st and last each day for a few days. Aden chose Dinosaur King. Seth hasn't said but i figure it will be Two and a half Men. So we will go with these changes for a while to see how things flow.

We visited Nature's Treasures today. It has been probably 8-10 years since i was there how time flies. Anyway, we went for 2 reasons. The first was to get some smoky quartz to help buffer the negative energy of the electronics when we have them on and the second was to get "something" to help Aden's fears from that damn movie. I asked the woman working what might be best and since we were talking about stones anyway, she looked up this: Rhodochrosite - She suggested putting between mattress and box springs and i got some for him to put in his pocket (1 for pocket and a few extras) he also wanted to get a dream catcher so we did and it is above his bed now. The stone in his pocket has actually been AMAZING. Before dinner, i picked him up and there was this "Aden-ness" about him that i hadn't felt since watching the movie. I said, "You know, that's one magical stone you have in your pocket?!" He said, "How do you know?" And i said, "Cuz, your energy has changed. I have my Aden back." He grinned and said, "Yep, you do!"

Tomorrow my friends are coming to do a house cleansing/blessing. I am very much looking forward to it and we spent some time today decluttering the few spaces in the house that still needed it. We didn't get to the laundry room or the garage but the main parts of the house are clutter-free which feels really great!

Oh and with our tax refund we paid off our only remaining credit card (and put them away) and ordered a new, much needed, bed for us. We need to find bedding because we are upgrading to a king but other than that and a few items we have been needing, the remainder of the refund is sitting in an emergency savings account which we have a solid plan to build upon. Man does THAT feel great too!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Interesting day

Yesterday was filled with activity. We went to the library with FYI which was mostly good -meeting new faces and friends, good people, good books, respectful computer sharing - all the great stuff that comes with FYI. There were some not so great moments for me (and others) though. Emma's massive tantrum due to lack of nap (towards the beginning of our time there) and the librarians controlled tantrum about us being there without calling first (towards the end of our time there).

I am going to have to turn into flaky mom until Emma is a bit older, i think. I am going to have to stay home if Emma doesn't take her morning nap (which so far seems to be her best nap of the day). So unless it is something that absolutely requires my participation, Emma's naps will be a factor in us attending or not.

The rest of our day was spent driving which always puts the kids to sleep. Aden slept for a short while and Emma got a really good nap in. I worried that both of them would be hard to get to sleep but it was actually a lot like the night before. We did get them to bed later than planned but that was mostly because we needed milk for Emma's bedtime bottle and i made dinner a bit later. Aden did get in bed with us about 1:30 but he slept soundly.

Seth is actually doing pretty well with this whole thing. Of course he doesn't like it but he generally doesn't like anything we do (even if i think he will). He is doing a lot of reading (HP series for the millionth time). I would like to see him doing his homework or finding other creative/constructive ways to spend his time...we shall see.

Some things we are talking about doing once our experiment is over:
  • Only having lights on at certain times (like to make and eat dinner and after that having just a small light on).
  • Only having tv on for certain pre-determined shows. This will take some planning but i really think it will be better than having it on all the time and the kids wont be limited as much as if we said "only an hour a day"
  • Only having computer on at specified times (during Emma's naps for Aden to explore, and me fitting in 1 hour a day plus my UBAM training/calling needs)
  • Using brown quartz to buffer the negative energies of the electronics when we do have them on/plugged in.

My friends are coming over on Monday to do the house cleansing/blessing. This weekend we plan to eliminate the last bits of clutter in the house and hope to pack up some things in the garage that are taking up space/stagnant energy.

We were going to go to the Science Museum Oklahoma today but i need to stay home. Tomorrow is Aden's endo appointment then Chet is off on Friday and we will go to SMO then as well as go visit Chet's grandma and take Chet's dad out for birthday dinner. Busy rest of week so i need this break today.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Up with the chickens

It seems i have much catching up to do...I haven't blogged since the 13th. I would love to recap the last couple of days but honestly, i don't remember things well enough to reiterate. I do know that the night before last and last night went well in getting the kids to sleep and they slept well. Valentine's night, Aden woke and got in bed with us but was not wiggly at all. In fact, i don't remember even looking at the time when he got in bed. Last night, Emma woke and got in bed with us (about 3:30ish).

I have been giving Aden (and myself) Rescue Remedy in our water during the day. He still is having issues with Coraline and he says the Rescue Remedy is helping him not be so worried. Chet is a huge help at night, when Aden has the most issue with it. He is good at talking Aden down from his freak-out and describing how/why the movie isn't real.

Yesterday morning, I woke Aden at about 8:45 and he said, in a surprised voice, "Wow, Mommy, did you sleep good?" To which i replied, "Pretty good, actually. Did you?" And he said, "Well, yes, i did! It has been a long time since i slept that good." I am pretty impressed that he stayed in his own bed all night last night and am curious to see how he slept.

Yesterday was harder on us as far as no computer and tv goes. I checked email before i got Aden up and there was business related items that needed attention so i was tempted to check on it all day. I did boot up the computer a few times to check on things but then turned it right back off. I also talked on the phone yesterday more then the first 2 days and admittedly texted more than i should have. I think this made Aden miss TV more. Seth has told friends about his mom's crazy idea and one felt so sorry for him, he offered for Seth to come stay for a few weeks! lol.

Chet and i have been taking time to hang out and reconnect after the kids go to sleep. Before, that time was filled with doing dishes and other things. Now its dark and washing dishes by candle light isn't very effective so i do them the next day. Speaking of which - Aden helped me unload and load the dishwasher yesterday - totally unprompted! He wanted to help with the hand wash but leaning over the sink like that was killing my back.

Today, there is no real business i need to attend to so i will be focusing more on the kids and see how that goes. We have a park day planned today (though it might turn into a library day) and then driving to Edmond to get adjustments and some apples (i admit i am addicted to Honeycrisp).

Okay, so in all the experiment seems to be going well. Emma woke at 6:15 this morning, we moved from bed to couch and snuggled on the couch until the sun was shining through the window (and Daddy was through getting ready). Today, we woke with the chickens...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

That went well..

I am a bit nervous about posting this because we still have the night to go... I want to fill people in of today's happenings. First, i have an admission - i cheated a bit. I ended up texting Chet quite a bit today and snuck a few texts in to a good friend as well as a few peaks at FB. I never took my phone out of the kitchen though which is a huge deterrent for me because the longer i am in the kitchen, the more needy Emma gets. So, in all i think i did pretty good. A recap of the day:

Kids woke waaaaay too early (different times) and in attempt to stay as asleep as possible, i had them get in our bed. Both of them wiggled so much, it was pointless. So at about 6:30ish i gave up and we all got out of bed... Chet turned on the tv for the kids and i started turning things off and unplugging. I did everything but the tv since i hadn't talked to them about the experiment yet and was in no shape for a breakdown. Emma was ready for a bottle at about 8:30 so i rocked her to sleep. Aden came in to be with us (still scared i will disappear) and we both ended up sleeping too. We got up late morning and had brunch. I don't remember the time but after Dinosaur Train, i told Aden that we needed to talk. I told him my thoughts and about the experiment. He seemed cool with it until i said no tv. He teared up. But when i explained that since i didn't have the computer and the tv would be off, we would have more time to spend together. He said, "Let's start right now." So i unplugged the tv and all its components. He then asked if all lights meant his nightlight too. Of course, i told him we could keep that on at night but it needed to be unplugged during the day.

Then I talked to him about the hugely messy playroom. I asked him to choose 2 sets of toys to keep in the playroom. Everything else would go in the garage to swap out as he desires. I am hoping with 2 sets of his toys (and 2 sets of Emma's) the battles to clean will stop. So he chose dinosaurs and trains (LOL, i just got the correlation - dinosaur train). We cleaned up the whole playroom and put everything he didn't choose in the garage. It really felt good to clear out some of the clutter in there! I consolidated everything to one shelving unit and put the other two in the garage to use later (for craft stuff...i have a plan!).

Since it was a fairly nice day, i opened the windows a few inches to let Mother Nature cleanse the house with her gentle breezes. Man what a difference that made! The peace in the house was amazing! Emma had fewer meltdowns and Aden did a better job being respectful (he's not usually bad at it, there was just a noticeable improvement in consistency). He accompanied me in the room to put Emma asleep again this afternoon and looked at books so very quietly. It was a nice quiet time...i decided to continue it.

When Emma was asleep, i told Aden that i would like to lay down and rest on the couch. I told him he was welcome to play quietly in the living room, look at books (i cant say "read books" because i am reminded that he cant, or lay quietly on the other couch. Knowing that ifi just laid down, i wouldnt be able to sleep so i grabbed my book and read 1 chapter. Then Aden wanted to snuggle and we both fell asleep for a bit.

Soon after we woke, Chet came home from work and we all got ready to run a few errands. We stopped by a friends house, went to Dollar Tree to get candle holders and a few candles to hold us until Monday (when a friend is giving me a lot she had left from her wedding -thanks!) then we went to Chick-fil-a for dinner and play. In all, it was a good evening.

One problem, i should have got candles and holders during the day and prepped them so they would be ready for us to use. Dollar Tree didnt have any taper holders so i improvised and bought 4 glasses, some decorative marbles and 4 candles. I put the candles and marbles in the glasses in such a way that the marbles hold the taper straight and as the tapers melt, they can be pulled up and the marbles will fall into place to support again. So i had to turn on a light to create the holders. In doing so, i discovered that we really needed to have some night lights on when the candles are out. So we have the might lights on in the bathrooms, Aden's room and over the stove. I am typing via candle light. See?
So as i was typing that last paragraph, Chet and Aden came in (Chet flipping on a bright light in the kitchen out of frustration and to dose some medicine in hope of getting Aden to sleep). The poor child is still terrified we will dissappear becasue of that damn movie, Coraline. It breaks my heart to know he is so scared and only he can control that but doesnt know how... After a long talk about happier things, they are back in bed. I hope the medicine works to get him to sleep as i very much hate giving him meds. I just remembered - i have Rescue Remedy! Gave him some - hope it helps!

So, I think that everything we did today is already helping the over all feel of the house and each of us. Tomorrow is cooking day for me so i wont get much clutter cleared. I was thinking today - i probably wont update each day. If you can/want to send Aden happy, secure, peacefilled energy/thoughts throughout the day and night and of course reiki is much welcomed!

I guess I spoke too soon - Emma just woke...we really need a break! Chet is caring for her, Aden is asleep. I wont get online tomorrow evening after the kids go to sleep. Let's see what that does.


By now everyone is used to me trying things in an effort to make our/my lives i go again! Last night as a sat rocking Emma while Chet consoled Aden on the couch because he had awakened with a nightmare shortly after going to sleep and woke Emma in the process, who had also just gone to sleep (run-on sentence perhaps?)...a thought popped into my head. It was more of an intuition thought and since i am trying to listen to that more, i took pause and let the thought process completely. All the sudden I noticed this feeling of having had too much caffeine. You know that jittery feeling that is not outwardly visible that doesn't allow you to sleep? Interesting thing is that i haven't had caffeine in quite a while - like days. Where is this feeling coming from? Well i have a theory. It could possibly be all the electronics in our house being on constantly. And if this is true, then there is a huge possibility that it is not just me feeling this which could quite possibly be why the littles aren't sleeping very well.

So the experiment is: Limited Electronics for 2 -4 weeks. We will maintain use of heater, freezer, fridge, stove, microwave (mostly using stove though), washer & dryer. These are what i consider 'essential appliances'. Everything else will be completely unplugged and if possible, the master switches for those items, turned off so no electricity running to them at all. Yes, i mean everything - lights, computers, tv's, video/dvd players. I have 2 caveats: i will have up to 1 hour of internet time each day to check email, blog about this experiment and do our finances; we all will be accessible via cell phone. My cell phone will be kept on the counter (unless we are not home) so i wont be tempted to log on FB or text unneccesarily/outside of my hour allotment.

The objective is to work towards a more natural rhythm...sleep when it's dark, wake when it's light. So today I am spending time unplugging electronic items (and moving as needed). I will also take a trip to the store to purchase candles to use on a limited basis as needed. This is not meant to be a punishment in any way, though i am sure the kids will see it as such. My goal is that during the first week we will get past our 'need' to have everything on and move into more meaningful activity that will help us become more in tune with natures gentle nudgings.

I am also going to call a couple of friends to come do a house blessing/cleansing. We meant to have them come soon after moving in but one thing after another and it still hasnt happened. I expect that the house will have a much better feeling once this is done. So another thing i am starting to do today is clear out unecessary items/clutter. This wont happen in one day, but i would like to have all stagnant energy out of the house before the house cleansing, if possible.

So there you have it, my latest wacky idea. I am very motivated to complete at least 2 weeks of this but i have a feeling it might take up to 4 weeks...we shall see.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Rethinking Weightloss and Life in general...

Been reading a book...don't go into shock.  I really do like to read but am not good at making time for it.  It is called "The Gabriel Method" and it is about the mental aspects of being fat and how what you think/believe controls the fact of someone being naturally thin or naturally fat.  There is so much more to it and i probably am not giving it justice but i have to say that it is an easy read.  My friend, Brandy, recommended it to me after she read it.  Last night i decided i needed to get started on this book since it is checked out on Brandy's library card and it will be due eventually!  So, i read to chapter 4 last night and woke this morning at 6am and read to chapter 7.  I have been impressed so far that this book seems to be in alignment with my belief system in that thoughts are/become things and that changing your thinking can change your life in profound ways (in this case, weight loss). 
It is interesting how the Universe places just the right things in your life at the right time.  It's not that this book is anything profound or that i havent heard bits and pieces of before but its something i needed to hear again and in more detail as it applies to my own life.  I have been enternally struggling about a lot of things in the past few years...actually some since i was pregnant with Seth.  No, it's not all his fault that i am fat...that's not where i am going with this.  Being pregnant, especially the first time, changes things dramatically.  Friends dont really know how to respond and you arent able to physically do all the things you did prior to pregnancy so that part of your life seems to just drift away.  I lost myself in a big the point that i really havent much clue what my passions are let alone how to pursue them.  The result of not knowing/not living ones passions tends to be depression and spiritual turmoil/unknowing among other things like weight gain.
So this book is big on following ones heart and passions as part of the weight loss puzzle.  I look forward to discovering and rediscovering passions, creating stronger and more meaningful friendships and finally taking care of ME for a change as i rethink weight loss and life in general... 
I may or may not share my adventure here, i havent decided yet.  Will be following my heart on that one! :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


The term "Facecrap" was coined by my friend Phoebe today while we were on the phone.  Facebook is no longer worthy of the word book.  As she put it, "when you turn the page of a book you can be sure that when you turn the page back, the same words will still be there"...not so with FB.  Whomever the FB 'powers that be' are, have decided it is more important to mess around with the layout than to fix the problems they already had.  Which has 'caused confusion and delay' (if i may quote Sir Topham Hatt) in getting status and information updates.
Before the layout update, I had issues with getting various updates (some of them fairly important) and had almost resorted to trying to keep up with friends by going to their profiles...which would take forever.  Since this layout update, i have tried everything to get status updates - refreshing page repeatedly, logging out and back in, logging out, waiting then logging back in, logging out, turning off computer (for an hour) and logging back in...all to no avail.  Still that the top of my "Recent News" Feed page is an update from Free Samples and Mothering Magazine (both received well over an hour ago).

Could it be that my friends are just simply not online?  Oh hell no!  A few of my friends are just as addicted (if not more) as i am and it would be a huge deal if they went offline.  Besides that, the cool little indicator shows me that i have several friends online (isnt that what the green dot means?).

So, until Facecrap pulls their head out, i will be logged out completely.  I would appreciate someone letting me know when they have got things figured out, at least to the level of prior to this update.  Until then, email or call me if you want me to know something about your life.  I will do the same.


Monday, February 8, 2010

ICDT: Weekend Edition (days 6 & 7...and 8)

By watching what i ate on Friday, i shed that pound and a little more but Sat and Sun were not the best food or workout days.  I mean ice cream for breakfast and pizza for dinner on Sat. is not conducive to weight management!  Since the puppy left our house on Sat. night, Sunday was a lazy day for me - kinda.   I didnt work out at all during the weekend.  I ended up napping at about 4 then when we finally went to bed about midnight, i crashed completely. Obviously my body needed it cuz i never even heard my alarm and woke only when Emma woke me just after then we both went back to sleep about 7ish and didnt get up until almost 10!

Needless to say, i didnt work out today either.  I keep saying i will work out when Emma sleeps but something else always occupies my time and by then i just dont want to.  I am a morning only work out person, i guess.  With all the sleep yesterday and today, i am sure i will be getting up at 6am on Tuesday to work out and get back into the swing of things.  We have all the food we need so it will be easier to stay on track food-wise.  Maybe i can get rid of 15 more pounds this month!

My affirmation through this process is: My muscles build to stay while the fat melts away.

And the number i am focusing on seeing on my scale is 145.

Friday, February 5, 2010

ICDT: Day 5

Well, i didnt blog yesterday because i got a very late start.  I didnt work out and a certainly didnt eat right, therefore, I gained 1lb :(  I was all geared up to work out this morning but the puppy made sure i didnt get much sleep.  It's relly wearing on me so i couldnt get up this morning and am dragging major today.  I am focusing on eating better today so i hope that helps at least maintain what i have done so far.

I will for sure get up in the morning and work out.  I notice a huge difference in the way i feel if i don't.  I also notice that the drive to get healthy and shed these pounds has had a huge impact on my relationship with life and my husband.  When i am focused and doing what i committed to myself, i am happier and more at ease with life in general.  Being broke is not affecting me the way it normally does (deep depression) and though i am a bit down about it because it prevents us from getting the best groceries, its not a huge issue an i dont feel as hopeless as usual.  Chet and i are finding time to 'be' together more now which feels really good for both of us.  I mentioned on FB earlier that i feel like i am falling in love with my husband all over again.  We talked last night about how it feels like we are dating again.  I told him it feels good to have these 'giddy' and 'excited' feelings in the midst of knowing we already love each other.  When they happen the first time, no one is ever sure if the other person even cares, let alone, loves them.

I dont really have much else to say...just rededicating myself to my goals...

My affirmation through this process is: My muscles build to stay while the fat melts away.
And the number i am focusing on seeing on my scale is 145.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

ICDT: Day 3

The rest of the day yesterday went pretty well.  I didnt get to do the Shred yesterday so i am a day behind on that but i did stay on track as far as eating goes.  I did have a small amount of mac-n-cheese that i made for the kids but it was insignificant in comparison to the size of my salad and carrots.  For snack i had an apple which will be my standard snack.  Dinner was Chipotle Chicken Soup which had tons of veggies in it.  I remembered to take my vitamins with each meal!

The puppy didnt whine at all last night.  Keeping him up from 8-10:30pm helped so much (thanks Christy Thompson).  He did however spend quite a bit of the night panting and i couldnt get to sleep.  So i moved to the couch where he can lay by the back door.  Panting stopped about 3:30 and i went to sleep.  I am going to try keeping him by the back door and me in my bed tonight.  He woke me at 6:30 to go outside.  I was actually wide awake mentally at tha ttime but my body didnt want to workout. 

Around 7:30 i climbed on the treadmill.  I discovered that if i jog instead of walk, the belt doesnt slip as much so, my thoughts of not being able to jog safely are gone.   This morning i did 1.23 miles in 20 min, jogging for 3 minutes of it (working my way up). I also did most of the Shred. Shredding was hard because my knees hurt when i do the higher impact cardio stuff (jumping jacks, jump rope, etc) but i figure i am already doing 20+ minutes of cardio before Shredding so as long as i keep moving (doing as much as i can w/o damaging), it will be okay.  I am also hoping to go to the chiropractor today so maybe some of that discomfort will disappear.  I have shed 2.2lbs in 2 days - forgot to weigh yesterday.

Just finished my no frills breakfast of eggs, apple and water.  Have a busy day today - taking boxes to a friend, FYI Craft Day, and going to Edmond to get Honeycrisp apples and hopefully see my chiropractor.

My affirmation through this process is: My muscles build to stay while the fat melts away.

And the number i am focusing on seeing on my scale is 145.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I Can Do This! - Day 2

Well the rest of the day yesterday went pretty well food-wise.  I had my salad for lunch but we were out of apples so i resorted to snacking on homemade granola bars.  I felt guilty for doing so but i figure its better than eating the crackers that were calling my name.  I got apples with my co-op last night and getting more tonight so i should be set with apples for a while.  Chet made dinner which was a creation of brown rice, chicken, bell peppers, onions, carrots and some other healthy-ish stuff; peas; carrots.  I actually took all of my vitamins yesterday!  I just finished breakfast of eggs and 1/2 a small slice of homemade whole wheat bread with water...nothing exciting :)
I made a trip to Aldi while he was making dinner, to get a few things we were completely out of and needed before the next shopping trip.  Normally when i am sans kids at the grocery store, i will treat myself to a candy bar for the trip home.  Last night, i refrained even though i was stressed and "needed" chocolate!  I was rather proud of myself, to tell the truth.
The puppy, Nax, has not slept well at night since the 2nd night at our house.  Last night was no different and i ended up in the living room with him so he wouldnt wake the littles and Chet.  He finally went to sleep, therefore, so did i.  I didnt wake until 7:40am and was tempted to not do any exercise but i did walk on the treadmill for 20 min and went 1.20 miles.  Nax whined/barked most of that time so you can bet that the littles woke.  I havent done my Shred yet but plan to when Emma goes to sleep (here's hoping she does).  Called the vet this morning to find out what to do about Nax not sleeping at night and they said to keep him up during the day.  I am trying but its hard.  I feel so mean!  But i have GOT to start getting some sleep...

My affirmation through this process is: My muscles build to stay while the fat melts away.

And the number i am focusing on seeing on my scale is 145.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Can I Do It?

I am one of the most committed people i know when using this definition: To pledge or obligate one's own self. I am really great at committing to doing things to better my life but my follow-through is fairly non-existent. Over the past year, i have committed to shedding these blasted 60lbs and for the first week or so will do great and have even rid myself of 10 of those for good...but then something seems to happen to 'stand in my way'. First obstacle was Aden's dx, then the holidays (all the yummy food), then sleep deprivation kept me from several bootcamp mornings...I know full well that i let these things stop me far too easily. I mean, seriously, i can commit to doing things for/with others and my follow-through is pretty darn good but when it comes to my own stuff, ugh! I AM WORTHY AND IMPORTANT!

So its a new month and i have a plan that i *know* will work to get these 50lbs off of me once and for all...possibly even within 2 months. I am re-committing myself with an addition that will hopefully help me stay focused and reach my goal.

  • I am going to follow the diet my chiro gave me as much as possible (taking $ restrictions into account - not always feasible to have the great for me foods on hand)
  • I am going to wake at 6am each morning (including weekends) to walk/jog on treadmill for 30 min going as fast as i can w/o falling off - goal 3 miles in 30 min.
  • I am going to Shred with Jillian each morning for 30 mornings then will alternate Shred and Pilates workouts.
  • I am going to blog at least once a week about how my goals are coming along. I am going to work towards a daily blogging even if just a line or two and even if it is bare with me.

This morning was the first morning. I woke at 6am, ate grapefruit. Walked 1.15miles in 20min on treadmill. Then did most of 30 day shred before Emma woke wanting to be held. We just finished a breakfast of eggs, apples and homemade whole wheat toast (i only had 1/2 a slice). So far, so good...i plan to have a salad for lunch and apples for snack. Not quite sure what to have for dinner yet but we do have several things to choose from.

My affirmation through this process it: My muscles build to stay while the fat melts away.
And the number i am focusing on seeing on my scale is 145.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Anyone here?

It has been quite a while since my last blog post. I even have it as my homepage so it pops up as a reminder EVERYDAY. It is so much easier to just post 1 or 2 lines on FB, i guess.
In case ya'll do still check for posts here:
I am in Fitness Bootcamp this month and loving it - even the waking at 5am (unless the kids dont sleep, then its harder). I love the me time i get to and from class as well.
Aden has been exploring hot wheels and zhu-zhu pets (in addition to dinos) and just told me the other day he wants to practice writing letters of the alphabet. We are participating in a pen pal exchange with members of our unschool group so i figure he will do more and more of the writing as it goes on. He is sleeping in his own dino room, which is a huge switch for all of us!
Emma is climbing everything to get into everything. I like her curiosity, just wish it didnt involve bodily harm and so many additional She seems to like music and dancing as well as mixing. We shall see what all that develops into :)
Seth started the second semester in school and has a goal of a 4.0 for the semester. He has also auditioned for the Spring performance at school. Hoping for the role of 'the dentist' in Little Shop of Horrors. He had call backs yesterday and feels more confident. We find out today if he got the part or not...i sure hope so!
Chet is working his tail off as usual.
We have a goal of being more financially responsible and free this year so we are all working towards that. It will be nice to have better money management!

For less general notes, join me on facebook :)