Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Gemini

As if life is not crazy enough for me/us right now...
The beginning of October, Gemini (our 9 year old chocolate lab), had surgery to remove some "fatty deposits".  She had 6 tumors removed, the biggest one ended up being cancer.  The littles don't know yet because an unknown timeline is difficult for 5 and 2 year olds to understand, let alone Aden's propensity to worry too much.  They would not give an estimate of how much more time she has but mentioned that it will be good if she lasts a year.  She healed fine from the surgery and things seemed to be going well until last Monday.

She stopped eating and barely drinking (evidently just enough to keep hydrated). I thought she was upset about me putting a gate up between living and dining room and not allowing her access to table scraps that the kids might drop and holding out for people food. Then on Friday she started throwing up. I took her to the vet on Saturday morning. She had lost 8lbs. since surgery.  Initially the vet said it is either gastro-something or a mass in her stomach preventing the digestion of food. He did a fecal and said the bacteria is there but not as active as it should be for the gastro-something. To do x-ray ($95) to look for the mass would be inconclusive because they don’t always see them on x-ray. If they *didn’t see a mass, we could do an ultrasound ($400) to determine. If there is a mass, surgery would be the treatment ($?). With the cancer already in her body (they couldn’t remove all of it) and suspected other tumors under muscle, surgery for a mass in her stomach would just be one more surgery. I couldn’t/can’t afford all that in the first place and it would just be to find out that I can’t help her anyway (which we already know). So, I elected to do treatment for the gastro-something and see if that helps. They prescribed antibiotics, anti-inflammatory and anti-nausea medicine.

She has thrown up every day since (with nothing on her stomach, it’s yellow bile) and is still not eating (today is day 5). So I took her back to the vet this morning. Based on the fact that Gemini is alert and seems to be normal but is still not eating and barely drinking, he suspects a mass even more. We are going to continue with the antibiotics to see if anything changes over the next 6 days but if she doesn’t start eating, there is not much more we can do for her. I am having to make a decision that I don’t want to make but I think we will have to put her down before Thanksgiving so she doesn’t have to suffer through starving to death.  If she is not eating by Monday, i am calling to make an appointment for Tuesday.  I really hate this.  Any energy/prayers/whatever are appreciated.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Life Changes

Hello Friends. I have some news that needs to be shared.  Many people already know in some form or another but i am finally feeling like sharing formally on my blog...though i am not sure who follows anymore.


My friend, Ren Allen and I have experienced similar happenings in our lives and she “went public” in August. Her sentiments mirror mine so I asked if I could use some of her wording (shown in quotes). My news is that Chet and I are divorcing. 
“That's what "is" in my life at the moment. In many ways, this is just the evolution of our relationship. A new phase in which we will co-parent from separate households and learn how to work together as friends that are not a couple any longer.

People get upset when they hear this news...natural reaction I suppose. But as hard as this transition is, I feel the "rightness" of moving towards having my own place. Riding the waves of sadness, of guilt (mainly for how this could affect my beautiful children who deserve nothing but the best in this life), of looking forward rather than back, of the lovely openness of facing the unknown.

I want to see us both thrive and support each other. That shouldn't change just because people can't be together. Our children will come first, our commitment to nurturing them is the top priority for both of us. I can hear the naysayers now...that in order to do that we must stay together. I disagree.”

On Oct 15th, I moved to Norman and have since been in process of preparing my rental home for a home child care center (I have named it "Abundant Wonder").  My ultimate goal in doing so is to be able to support myself and kids while still being at home with them and homeschooling.  I hope to be licensed by November 15th.  All three kids seem to be adjusting fairly well and I credit that to how sincerely respectful Chet and i have been with each other and the kids.


What I don't need right now:

• A million questions about how/why etc... Generally speaking, I am a fairly private person (unless i know you well...then i am an open book). I also have my kids around most of the time. I don’t think it’s fair to them to hear me talk about this over and over, no matter how respectful the process has been.
• "Unwarranted sympathy or pity....I'm ok. Truly and honestly. Yes, I will get sad at times and maybe even be weepy. I don't need mushy sympathy, I have been on my own before and actually LIKE it.”

What I do need right now:

• Friends for the kids and I to hang out with, talk with, and understand when we just can’t. Maybe being willing to occasionally let the kids come play while I run errands, prepare for opening my home daycare, etc.

• Patience with me while I work towards a smooth transition for all of us. This has meant and probably will mean that I get behind on things I am normally on top of. It also means I am not being as good a friend as I generally like to be (which plays into the guilty feelings as well).



“Much love to all my amazing friends and family!! I know I will need you more than ever and your support means the world to me.”